I am a control freak. And a really big neat freak -- according to people that have children. I don't really think I am (a neat freak; I KNOW I'm a control freak) because I've only, always lived with myself and a husband that's the same way, so I don't notice it much. Do you know Kate of Kate Plus 8 fame? Well, I would be like her x10 with only one or two children. Don't laugh; it's true.
Cooking Baking Day
We had started out planning an actual cooking baking day. But, we didn't have very much time to spend together and because we wanted to do the fun part -- the decorating, we changed the plan from making 3 kinds of cookies to just one and I baked them the day before so we could all frost them together and then have a quick bite to eat for lunch. Just because you can't do everything you start out planning doesn't mean the event is a bust; even doing a little bit can be fun.
Knowing my control freak nature you will completely understand that inviting a group of people over for a cookie baking/frosting day is like begging for a stroke -- even if they are all adults and don't plan on shoving frosting up their nose. But, I really wanted to bake some cookies and have fun visiting with my mom and sister while doing it. We seldom get some girl time like this and we all wanted to do it. It's proof they love me; even knowing how I am, they were willing to come over and use frosting.
In preparation for today's fun festivities I prayed. Yes. I. Did. It went something like this: Dear Father; please help me to lower my expectations and not get mad when people are not decorating cookies like I think they should (yes I really said that!) and help me to not get irritated if they get frosting somewhere other than on a cookie.
Holiday Meals
We are hosting back to back family get togethers on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I might like to serve something fancier, have better seating for our guests and better gift ideas than gift cards and a few odds and ends that have all the creativity of a limp noodle. But, honestly if I look at from the perspective of those being my worst problems then things are looking great! We all will have a great time visiting with each other. Thank God we have a family on both sides where we all enjoy each other (we're not counting the ones that are in jail : ) It's not the end of the world if some of us end up sitting in kitchen chairs in the living room or the plates don't match. Whatever it is you are stressing over this season... chances are if your family is happy and healthy, (even if they can't make it to visit) then things aren't so bad after all.
Holiday Events
George and I don't have issues with a multitude of holiday events to attend, but if we did that would be a big problem because we are such homebodies. A lot of my friends and some family members struggle with this and it makes me sad to see them run ragged going here and there and everywhere when they most want to be home. For any family, there will always be a certain handful of "must do" or "really, really want to do" events. All I can say is pick and choose very carefully and do not allow the expectations of others dictate what is the best way for your family to spend your time during the holiday season or any other season. Once you've decided to manage your own family's calendar DON'T start feeling guilty about it and caving in to last minute pressures -- unless of course it's something that you will really enjoy doing and won't wreak havoc with the rest of your schedule.
People
They say the holidays tend to bring out the best and worst in people. Thankfully I usually see the best in people at our family get togethers.We try to be gracious guests and hosts, and we work with each other to not create overly complicated and perfect expectations for the holidays. So, based on my personal expectations there probably isn't a lot of encouragement I can share with you if your whole extended family is a bunch of nuts. If that's the case, try to find a quiet corner and hide until the festivities are over.
On a more serious note: Establishing good family relationships requires discipline, love, mercy and forgiveness day in and day out all year long. Often times we try to reap the benefits of this type of good relationship at the holidays without putting in the work that's needed the rest of the year. You can't make a withdrawal of something you never deposited. We don't know whats in the hearts and minds of others. Many of our loved ones and possibly ourselves are mourning the loss of loved one, a job, a marriage. This Christmas things might not be the same as they always have been; and that's very unsettling for most anyone.
To give you an example from our family; this is the second Christmas since my grandma's passing. As in most families; the older women tend to be the "coordinators of the holiday festivities" my Grandma was the one person that seemed to hold the whole extended family together. This year we are all missing her and my aunts are having a challenging time carrying on in the role of matriarch for their families. They are now the ones that will hold together their own growing brood of extended family. The only problem is that it doesn't look or feel anything like what they are familiar with. That's got to be so amazingly difficult! My heart goes out to them.
In this season of celebrating how much Jesus loves us, let's purpose to make our focus be on loving others. Let us show love, kindness, mercy and grace to our loved ones, even if they don't respond they way we want them to and even if they never do the same for us.
Post Title → How to Have a Merry Christmas: Reduce Your Expectations
